How i Created A Perfect Identity (A Souls Journey)

What I am about to tell you is in no way blaming my parents for what happened to me growing up; they did what they did to the best of their ability at the time; I did not come with parenting instructions; but I needed to understand this identity to be able to function in the world and be able to get in touch with the real me and start to FEEL again.

I mentioned in a previous writing that both my parents were perfectionists; my mother was particularly controlling; she also had a big complex about her weight and had rejection issues. When I was born I was wanted; she had produced the only grandson among all the girls in the extended family; now she was the center of attention.
Growing up as a young child during the second world war was not easy; we lived on a 100 acre orchard which my grandfather owned; we had our separate house; but mother was a city girl and did not like the country life all that much. I was an inquisitive child and ventured out quite a bit and was quite rebellious; very normal for a young child. I did not do what I was told very often; I soon learned that when I was being myself and being a normal child that got into things and made a mess around the place; I got a hiding or scolding; mother had a pretty good temper when she was challenged. In the early days children were seen and not heard; you spoke when you are spoken to; otherwise be quiet. Also it was OK for a man to get angry; but he was not allowed to show any emotion; whereas for a women it was OK to show emotion but was not supposed to show angry.
So I learned that when I was being good I was loved and when I was being NORMAL and myself I was not loved or accepted. It is called CONDITIONAL love; I was not loved unconditionally. So I developed this PERFECT identity to be accepted by my parents; while I was doing nothing and being inconspicuous and not getting into things with my curious mind; I was loved; but when I was being myself I was not accepted and either got scolded or a hiding; “I got plenty of hidings”.

Now there were 2 identities; the accepted me; (perfect identity) and the (real me); my true “soul” self. Growing up I soon learned how to gain more acceptance by my peers; I used to work in the orchard from about 4 years of age till we left when I was about 9 years old. I was 6ft tall when I was 12 years old so I was treated like an adult at a very early age. I was praised for my ability to work hard; so I learned to be a workaholic very young; once again to be accepted; i was praised for being a great worker. Perfectionists are very aware of their surroundings and the people around them; so they spend a great deal of time monitoring everything; this is where the control comes in; and it is also very trying.
Over many years of living as this “perfect identity” i developed a lot more personalities to this identity; I become totally detached from my true self; I could put my arms around my children and give them a big hug; but I could not FEEL any depth to my affections; it was horrible; there was a vacuum there; the identity had no feeling.

It was after a workshop I did on personal growth in my early fifties when I broke this identity and started to feel again and got back to living my true self (free of this identity). The experience was indescribable and life changing and I am so grateful to the person who helped me back to life again.
Obviously there is a lot more that can be said about this perfect identity but I think you get the idea. The perfect identity is just one of many identities we develop to cope emotionally in the world; we develop what I call a FALSE SELF to show the world; a mask we hind behind; but it is not the REAL you.
The interesting thing about identities is; they are hard to detect by the person who is running them; they think that the identity is the real person and not something that they created to cope emotionally.
Well I will leave it at that; hope you enjoyed my writing and as always any comments are most welcome; wish you all the Joy and happiness; LOL Murray

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Murray

My life's experiences has been wide and varied; from farming in my early years; to running my own businesses for about 40+ years which covers a variety of occupations; from real-estate, mining, stock market trader and for the last 30+ years i have been running a healing business; in clinical practice for 15 years, and personal develop facilitator for 10 years. I have always been interested in natural remedies and my mother always used natural remedies where possible. My healing adventure started when i was 40 years old; I first studied as a Naturopath; then a ream of other modalities; it was like visiting a healing supermarket when venturing into my clinic. I try to live life to the fullest and looking forward to my later years with a sense of adventure; heading into the great unknown with excitement not trepidation. I hope my writings will connect me with like-minded people where we can be of mutual help to one another. Please feel free to add any comments or if you would like to contact me personally please feel free to e-mail me at the address below. Have a wonderful life and i hope it is filled with JOY and happiness; LOL Murray.

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