1) Why is it so important to label feelings?
2) Why is it so important to understand the decisions we make about those feelings; and the consequences that those decisions make on our lives?
Human beings relate and interact through their emotions and feelings; either consciously or unconsciously. I have stated this on many occasions that the greatest desire for all humans is to be “loved, liked & appreciated”.
All our actions that we do during the course of a day, a week or year are taken with the aforesaid intention of accomplishing that goal.
Resisted feelings; these are feelings that we do not want to experience and are the hidden (unknowns) that can cause us a lot of grief. By resisting these feelings we start a game in motion that keeps on playing out in our lives until we decide to do something about it.
For example; resisting rejection for instance sets up two forces; one which wants to express itself; the other which wants to oppose it. There is a law; “what we resist will persist” and so the game plays on. Now the person who is resisting is totally unaware of their actions; these feelings are buried so deep that they take a lot of discovering and (the feeling) is held in place by strong emotions and a decision that was made about the experience.
I want to relate an experience about a client I processed approximately 12 years ago which comes to mind as a great example of a resisted feeling and the decision that was made about that feeling which influenced that person’s life for over 13 years.
The person in question; (“his name is not mentioned and I know he would not mind me mentioning his case”); (I treat all clients information strictly confidential).
This person was referred to me by one of my clients. When he came into my treatment room he was carrying a small box filled with vitamin tablets of all descriptions. He had a digestive problem that he had tried to resolve through many different means over a long time; when I quizzed him about when these problems first started he informed me that it was after he broke up with his fiance about 12 years before. So I asked him if he was willing to take responsibility for his digestive problem by working on his emotional attachment to the break up; he agreed so we proceeded with remarkable results.
The story goes like this; he was a Greek lad about 35 years old; his father died when he was young and was raised mainly by his mother. He was a bit of a womanizer; loved his soccer and didn’t mind a drink; he got engaged to a non-Greek woman which did not go down well with his mother. The mother got to the girl and told her she could not marry her boy because she was not Greek; the girl broke off the engagement and broke the guy’s heart.
This is when the digestive problems started; and for many years he tried everything to resolve the problem; both orthodox western medicine and natural remedies without success. He finished up joining a church; (not Greek Orthodox) he stopped drinking, he stopped going out with women and he stopped playing soccer. His mother was not happy about him joining another church; she was so unset she wanted her, drunken, womanizer, soccer playing boy back.
We processed the breakup with his girlfriend and he found the resisted feeling which was “REJECTION”; It took him some time but he found it eventually. Now the interesting thing about all these resisted feelings is the decision we make about the incident; after finding the resisted feeling and dissolved it; I got him to revisit the break up again and tell me what he said to himself; he told me; “I am never going to get close to anyone again”. So here he was many years later, single, no girlfriend, digestive problems and he attached himself to a church, because subconsciously he knew the church was not going to reject him.
I got him to look at the decision he had made and how it had effected him over the past 12 odd years; how it has influenced his life since his break up and he could see exactly what had happened. An “unknown becomes a known”; and a healing takes place.
Within a couple of weeks his digestive problem resolved itself; he soon had a girlfriend again and he started playing soccer; and I am sure his mom was over the moon about the turn around. I saw him one more time after that just to make sure we did not miss anything and this was when I found out a lot of the background I have related.
Here is how it works: To find a resisted feeling; (an unknown) what I do is just ask the client if they have an issue they wish to work on; an upset or re-occurring event in their life that is effecting their happiness. Once they have decided what they wish to work on; I tell them; “I do not want to know a things about what you are working on”; “my job is just to keep you in present time and stop you from going into your mind analyzing everything”. The person has to be in their feelings to find what they are looking for; while someone is in the head thinking they cannot feel; feeling is the gap between thoughts. The reason why we go into our head thinking; so we can not feel!!! That is what stress is all about!!
Now I get them to close their eyes and visualize the event they want to work on; then I ask them; “let me know when they are their”, (at the scene); once I get a reply; all I want them to tell me is; what they are feeling right now; not to analyze what they think about the event; just what they are feeling when they look at the scene and label the feelings as and when they come up. As the feelings arise I get the client to fully experience the feeling and let them dissolve; if they have labelled the feeling correctly that feeling dissolves and another one may take its place until we get to the main feeling that is holding the upset in place. In upsets there are a number of feelings, but only one holds the upset together. You see when we get triggered in an upset there is always one feeling that starts the drama; “the must not experience feeling”; and only the client can evaluate that for themselves; and how they do that is simple. When a person hits a major feeling that triggered an event then that whole event becomes erased from any feeling what so ever. The event still happened of course but there is no more energy on that event; now this can be anything from sexual abuse to rejection. The person who is running this process (the client) experiences the lifting of the pain and when they revisit the scene they were working on there is no pain or feelings of any description what so ever; it has no energy over the person; it is their experience; not me telling them anything. This process can take from 20 minutes to 1-2 hours; depending on how much the client is resisting.
Now as I stated in the beginning; the resisted feeling is an unknown; we only fear the unknown; not the known. Once we know what it is that is causing us grief then we can do something about it; we have choices; the unknown is the cause of stress and anguish and we have no choices. So labeling feeling has a great importance on our ability to resolve resisted feeling and the effect they have in our lives.
The down side of telling you all this is you cannot process yourself; because there is too much resistance to go where you need to go. You need a trained practitioner to be able to keep a client out of his/her head (thinking) while they try to find the feeling they are resisting. I am giving you a word lesson here; “we do not hold what we are told”; “we only hold what we experience.” This process is an experience that the client has and he/she is in charge; he/she is empowered and that is why the process works; it is their discovery; not something I tell them; but they must be guided through the process very carefully to get where they need to resolve the problem. This process is perfectly safe; if a person feels threatened at all they will not be able to process; because they need to feel safe; this is the job of the practitioner to make it safe so they can process effectively.
So now you understand why it is so important to be able to label feelings; and you see how decisions we make either consciously or unconsciously can shape our lives for the good or detriment of the person.
Hope you enjoyed my blog as much as I did writing it and as usual any comments or feedback is most welcomed. Hope you are enjoying a great day and a joyous and happy life; LOL Murray